


Do What You Have To Do

by Seattle_lite



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 8x04, F/M, First Time, Jaime regrets leaving, brienne and jaime - Freeform, canon fix it, oathsex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 19:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21002765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seattle_lite/pseuds/Seattle_lite
Summary: On the way back to Casterly Rock after leaving a devastated Brienne, Jaime reminisces on their time together and struggles with his decision to return to what he sees as his duty.





	Do What You Have To Do

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been meandering around my head for awhile so I thought it was time to put it on paper. Based off the song “Do What You Have to Do” by Sarah McLachlan that is so Braine that it gives me chills when I listen to it.

As he snuggles up to the homemade fire, his mind wanders back to that night. The look in her eyes, the trust she gave him. He laid her down as gently as he could despite the throbbing between his legs. It was confusing to him where it all came from. Why it all crescendoed at that very moment. Part of it was Tormund Giantsbane, but the other part was a secret he thought he kept hidden better than he actually did.

On the bed, they kissed and found their rhythm. The furs had been tossed to the side. No need thanks to the heat of the room and the inferno blazing inside of him. She was on top initially, kissing him as if it were her last breath. Gods, he wanted it to be romantic. Something she would remember. But the drunk part of him couldn’t wait to be inside her.

His body chills to the bone as he thinks about how desperate he had been for her. For years, women of Casterly Rock and beyond had thrown themselves at him. All the talk of the fair haired lion and being the most handsome man in the kingdom and not one of them turned his eye. Not one made his cock even flinch.

But Brienne was different.

She always had been. This was something he wasn’t used to without “her” in the room but it existed nonetheless.

Brienne had held her ground when he tried to roll her over. A fight for power as always. He saw the moment it registered that they weren’t fighting, but making love so it was okay to relinquish control. Her body had gone from strong as steel to pliant and submissive in a matter of seconds.

“Trust me,” he whispered against her lips. His mouth moved down her neck to her chest.

“I already do.” The words were faint, laced with desire and innocence.

He pulled her nipple into his mouth and she bucked so hard that he was thankful to his golden hand for keeping him anchored. He sucked harder and his hands found their place at the top of her cunt.

Jaime looked up at her and she stopped writhing beneath him long enough to exchange a look. Their look. The one that for years spoke everything they never had to say.

His fingers parted her folds and his heart jumped at the feel of the sticky slickness. He begged the gods for the ability to do the right thing. Stretch her, go slow, make her come. All the things he could think of to make this right and less painful because it was her first time.

His horse rustle behind him almost jostling him from his memory. The distraction reminds him of the snow against his back threatening to freeze him from the inside out. He never got used to the North, the way he never felt warm enough. Unless he was in her room, in her bed, in her arms.

Between her legs.

That night, he could tell Brienne sensed his agony. The throbbing of her clit warned him of her impending orgasm but she stopped him, gently pulling his hand away. She took his head in her hands and kissed him, effectively pulling his body up and aligning his cock where he wanted it most. His tongue was deep into her throat when he plunged deep inside her body. He swallowed her anguish, absorbed the small scratches on his back from her short nails digging in for dear life. It only pushed him more. He pulled out a little and plunged back in again, his mouth never leaving hers.

Despite what he knew must be some level of discomfort for her, she urged him on. Widening her legs, her hands drifted down his ass pulling him further insider her. And he obliged. Deeper, harder. Their cries filled the room, the slick sounds of their bodies colliding, the sucking noises of their lips and tongues. There was nothing else going on in the fucked up world mixed with living and dead. Power and greed. Evil and innocence. No bodies lining the walls of the castles. No stench of death and decay of corpses of loved ones lost. No twisted pregnant sisters or fights for power.

There was only them. Two people who loved each other longer than they ever realized.

She was sound asleep when he said it the first time after their first time. He’d been laying there conflicted about taking her virginity and what he knew loomed when this was all over and the cloak of celebration disappeared. They wouldn't have long. Reality would settle in. He thought he’d been happy before. Laying in bed with Cersei, holding her hand and watching her sleep. Grateful for the few minutes they had before he would have to hurry and leave the room. But that wasn’t happiness. It was contentment. He was content for his life to be exactly what it was.

Family.

Loyalty.

But then he realized there was the ability to have more. More than just waking up everyday and knowing exactly what your life would be and who you would serve.

He chuckles bitterly to himself again speaking out loud. “She wasn’t awake any time I’ve said it. She’s never heard me tell her I love her.”

The wine he packed along with him has a bitter taste as it slides down his throat. This time tasting much different than when he was back in her room.

And then his mind drifts back to later on that same night, just before the sun came up. When she slept, he got up to use the chamber pot and poured himself more wine. She was snoring soundly and it was music to his ears. He sat at the small table and watched her for a few moments. At some point she let out a small sound and rolled to the side realizing he wasn’t there. There was a hint of fear until she looked up and saw him looking back at her. The vulnerability in her this way was something he was still getting used to. He set down his cup, ready to come join her and ease whatever fear lingered behind her soft blue eyes.

“No.” She pulled the furs back. “Stay there.”

Brienne didn’t reach for her tunic. She walked towards him naked as the day she was born. With each step, he could see the confidence and lust build. His cock responded in kind. Pushing back his chair he opened his legs, his erection making it uncomfortable for him to keep them together. She stood in between them, taking him in her hand and rubbing herself with the other. Their eyes glued upon each other, his heart almost exploded.

Why? Why would this perfect creature ever trust him with herself like this? He was a shell of what she was and all he could ever hope to be. The glare from oathkeeper and the fire shone over her body as she lowered herself onto his cock. His breath stuttered, eyes rolling back in his head. She began to move with the confidence of how she rode a horse. Steady. Firm. The heat crackled as she moved her body in circles as he pulled her closer. He attempted to fuck her but she stopped him. She put his left hand on her breast and removed the golden hand from his right.

The shame that he felt whenever he had to remove it was nonexistent. He felt relieved when the heavy ornament hit the table and relaxed in the chair. He was prepared for her to keep moving and adjusted himself inside her to prepare for the onslaught. Instead, she picked up his right arm and planted kisses. His breath stuttered again as she began to move, while kissing on and around his stump. The feeling of her all around him was too much to bear. He tried. He tried hard to hold back but that’s what loving her had been like all these years. Holding back. Doing what was expected.

He released inside of her, not bothering to quiet himself as he cried out with every convulsion of his battered body.

A tear falls down his cheek at the memory of that night and so many others after. Each night had only heightened its intensity and his guilt. He tried to push back the feelings of obligation contradicting with his feelings of love, but like so many battles, he lost. And now he was lost.

He wipes the tears, and although it’s dark and he should wait for a semblance of sunlight before he continues his journey, he mounts his horse and rides towards Casterly Rock. Despite what he wants, and what he longs for, he does what he has to do.


End file.
